I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
