Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
40s are totally the cure
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
