I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are my feet made of real feet?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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