Is it because I queefed?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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