How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
