i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
