Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
