You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
