You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
