Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
