How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
