Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
