dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
