U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
