I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
