I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
