i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
