just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
