im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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