Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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