You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
