R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
