Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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