i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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