I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
