I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
