And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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