Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
