Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
