I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
