is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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