It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
