Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
