I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
