I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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