I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
