Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
