Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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