Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They took my balls.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
