My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
