i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
