His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
