Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
