I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
