So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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