do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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