Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
