so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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