I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
