Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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