Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
