the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
