so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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