i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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