Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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