My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
