Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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